Was I simply a means to an end? Not as a friend, but as a sexual partner. I shook my head. I’d tie myself up in knots trying to figure out the actions of a confused, sexually frustrated teenager.I recoiled in horror when I remembered the violent sex that we’d had after one of our major fights. I’d called it Jennifer’s rape fantasy and she hadn’t objected to that classification. Was having me take her that way an attempt to erase what Ted Dixon had done to her? Was it some sort of penance? Or. You grow up in the racist sixties in the Deep South, you're raped by your stepfather and it's your fault because you're different. You have a roll of dimes taped tight that makes hitting lethal and you learn to use a knife. You never smile or laugh or cry and when your so-called parents walk out you know it's your fault. From the start you can't understand the games boys play... you do them anyway. When your seventeen you walk away from a scholarship and join the Air Force, hiding in plain. ." They hesitated, still shaken by the thought that they were talking to a dead man. They looked over the gaping chest wound that no one could have survived, and back into his distant eyes.His voice was soft and lifeless. "No. Don't tell me. I'm under orders to report if I see him. I saw you," he said, indicating Jeff, " and you said 'Joey', so I closed my eyes. That way I didn't see him."JeffLynne had recovered from the shock a bit to approach him. They didn't feel threatened by the dead. So now I’m gonna d-d-d-die?”I shrugged a shoulder. “Probably not, but you’re not gonna warm up for a while, either, unless we do something.”“Ok-k-k-kay, you have m-m-my attention. What does the Boy Scout manual s-s-s-say?”“Well, as long as you’re wearing wet clothes, they’re going to keep drawing heat from your body. That means you need to, uh, get them all off. You know, strip. Then you need to wrap up in something dry.”She leaned back and stared at me with this incredulous look on her face,.
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